The Ups and the Downs

One day I’m content.В  The next I’m not.

I get my hopes up that we’ll move.В  I pray we do.В  And then it doesn’t seem like it after all.

This is the first place I’ve lived where I have no desire to be.В  Not one iota of my heart.

Even though my husband is getting paid a lot of money I feel like it’s not enough.В  Because I want out of here.В  And now.

Our bank account is not growing fast enough.

My husband calls and wants to spend $600 on a gun and I get depressed.В  Because I want a house more than a gun.В  And I want out of here more than a gun.В  More than anything really.

I know we need to bide our time but it feels more like doing time.

I feel idle.В  Sitting here.В  Not accomplishing much.В  Because I have no desire.

I feel like I’m missing out.В  I think of this time last year.В  How exciting it was.В  How un-exciting it feels right now.В  And how un-motivated I am to do anything really.

I pick up my guitar and sing myself the blues (after still trying to switch from D to A without looking and still being frustrated as hell I can’t do it!).

And I wait.

Not very patiently.

One never knows though do they?

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[xeefun] L'Ermitage Beverly Hills Hotel Los Angeles California